dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
