If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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