Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
