We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I've blown a few things in my day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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