I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
