so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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