yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
