I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
