awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
