I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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