So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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