go do what you do best...puke behind churches
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
