Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
