If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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