There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
