My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
