idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
