Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
