Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
