He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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