Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Even my vagina gasped.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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