Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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