I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
