all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
