i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
