In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
