The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
