this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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