I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
