Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
