Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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