I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
