I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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