I could make wine with my vomit
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
