She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Watching her eat just hurts me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize
