theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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