apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
