trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
