I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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