I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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