I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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