Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
