I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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