omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Of course I have a pirate flag
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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