You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
