There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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