People in love make me want to vomit
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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