I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize