are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
