I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
