...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
