he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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