I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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