we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
