You're so nebulous sometimes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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