It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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