if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
