i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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