dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
