So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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