I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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