Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
