I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
