Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
