I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
