The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
