I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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