lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize