Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
