I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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