I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
