just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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