dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
