Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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