I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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