You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
