Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
