How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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