We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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