what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
