The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize