she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
